The battle for everything

Hello friends

I am finally feeling a little better; at least well enough to rejoin society. It's really nice to have my voice back.

This week has been somewhat productive on the dating front.

I had a second date with Mr. Coffee. We spent 4+ hours together and it went well. We had good conversation (he now writes about gold and oil), we talked about religion a little, we laughed about various absurdities. Overall a fun time and I would like to see him again. I think he'll call me...we will see.

The chronic e-mailer I posted about last time sent me yet another generic e-mail so I finally bit the bullet and asked him out for drinks. He sent me a very confusing reply. Something about how he joined match prematurely and he wanted to take it easy before jumping back into things and he wanted to continue e-mailing me. I don't get it-why join match if you don't want to meet people? I thought that was the whole point. It makes me think he is already in a relationship and wants to keep me in his back pocket for a rainy day. No thanks Mr. e-mail. I wrote him back and told him if he ever wants to meet, contact me, but I am not interested in being the random girl he e-mails when he is bored.

I am meeting up with Mr. Give-it-another-try tomorrow. I am looking forward to it and will report back with details.

Here is something that I am pondering tonight: how do you balance letting a man take the lead vs. getting to do things that you actually want to do?

I want a man who wants to take care of me. I don't want to wear the pants in future relationships. However, this becomes difficult when people suggest going places/doing things that do not interest me. What do you say when someone wants to meet up at The Cheesecake Factory? It's tough because I don't want to derail his plan, but I don't want to eat at The Cheesecake Factory either. My natural instinct is to take over and manhandle the situation so that I don't have to suffer in a chain restaurant, but then another part of me thinks that I should go with the flow and as he gets to know me, he will realise that I don't want to eat certain places/do certain things. The other option is to shoot it down all together. But then if he doesn't have a back up plan it could get awkward.

It is difficult. Relationships are so tenuous in the beginning. I don't want to pass a great person up because he couldn't come up with the perfect date on the first try. And I don't want to manhandle all my dates. And I don't want to go on bad dates. It's a quandary.

Good night

repeats

Well friends

I am sick again. I can't believe it, I was just sick...I'm planning to add some sort of vitamin C/zinc regimen to my diet. I don't have time to be sick this often. The worse part is I straightened my hair the day I got sick so for the last couple days I've been stuck in bed with my lovely straight hair.

Anyway, I'd like to discuss for a moment one of my online dating pet peeves: the endless e-mail chain. There is a guy on Match that seems like someone I would be interested in meeting ergo I sent him an e-mail. He wrote me back and I thought, "sweet I'll get to meet him." We have now written back and forth a few times and there is still no discussion of meeting. In the online dating world, it's all about getting to know people over e-mail just to the point that I don't think they are a criminal, and then meeting as soon as possible. It is a terrible waste of time to e-mail for weeks on end only to meet and discover I'm just not that into him. Since I was the one who sent the first e-mail in this scenario, I was trying to give him a chance to suggest meeting, but it looks like I'm going to have to make this happen.

If I get an e-mail from a guy and he looks remotely interesting I suggest meeting immediately. One bad date is better than one bad date and a month's worth of e-mailing.

Ok I feel better now. Thank you.

Before I go, I have one interesting piece of news.

A guy that I went out with a few times last year, and then fell off the face of the planet e-mailed me yesterday. He apologised for acting like a jerk and asked if we could start over.

I'll let you know what happens.

sigh

Well friends

It was nice while it lasted. I e-mailed bachelor number two to break our second date. Our religious beliefs were too different. I knew that to be the case, but I was trying to talk myself into thinking that either a) I could have a little fun and no one would get hurt, or b) I could make it work. Of course neither of these are true and after a little tough love from my friends I cancelled the date.

Just so the night wouldn't be a total loss, I agreed to meet a new guy that I have been emailing for the last week. It was so bad. He was so boring. We were in armchairs at The Brewers Art. Armchairs-comfy, relaxing, kick-back armchairs. I was relaxed...he was straight as a pin and bobbed his head in a very weird way to everything I said. He must have been nervous because his pattern of speech was not congruent with what is generally agreed upon as normal.

Good bye Mr. Bobble-head.

And the worst part is that I know if I had gone out with bachelor number two, I would have enjoyed myself.

Nobody said it was easy/no one ever said it would be so hard/I'm going back to the start.

Good night

A whirlwind of Gaiety

Hi Friends

The dating extravaganza is over and it went as well as one would expect.

Before I get to the gritty details, I have a couple of news item to report.

First: I have adopted two cats. Many people see this as a bad thing from the single girl perspective. I am now just one cat away from being "the cat lady," relegated to the single life for the rest of my days surrounded only by furry friends.

I, however, have a different view. My friend that I adopted them from had to give them up because her very serious boyfriend/soon-to-be fiancee is very allergic to cats and they had to go. She met this man very soon after she got the cats. Ergo they are lucky cats and will help not hurt me. Plus it's nice to have some furry companions; chore time was so much more fun today than usual because of the cat's antics. Even now, one of them is curled up next to me as I write.

Second: I spoke with the IJL dating director and told him how displeased I am. I compared his lack of communication after I was stood up to the sentinel event of the dating service. I told him how disappointed I have been in the dates. It felt good to be honest and he assured me that it will get better....we'll see about that. Being back on Match has confirmed to me that I pick much better dates for myself than they do.

Anyways, back to Saturday.

My three dates were coffee, lunch, and dinner. My good friend and fashionista prescribed the outfit for the day: skinny jeans, tank top, boyfriend cardigan, and gladiator sandals. Then, she reasoned, after the first two dates I could throw on a nice shirt over the tank top and swap out gladiator sandals for cage heels and I'd be good to go for the evening. I was also instructed to straighten my hair for the day.

So I got up, took a shower, straightened my hair, put on make-up, and ran to the mall to get said skinny jeans. Unfortunately, the traffic was very bad, and I was late to coffee. Really late. Like 25 minutes late. I felt bad because I am not the kind of person to show up late like that on the first meeting. However, on the flip side, I decided it is a good test to see how someone reacts-make them mad from the beginning and see if a temper rears its ugly head.

Fortunately, Mr. Coffee passed the test and was very gracious. We had a good coffee. He was cute, easy to talk to, and we have some common interests. It came up in our discussion that he is divorced. I have never given much thought to whether or not I would date a divorced person; on one hand it seems that there would be a lot of baggage, but on the other hand, if someone has been married before and it didn't work out then I would hope that he would have good perspective on what he is looking for and what is really important to make a relationship work. He said that he wants to see me again so we will see if there is a date #2 and what it will bring. Religion didn't come up at all so that is something I need to figure out.

Directly after that date, I drove to meet Mr. Lunch. I was excited to meet Mr. Lunch because he has a very interesting profile. I knew going in that we have similar tastes, he is well-traveled, and he is funny. That being said, I think that going into the first meeting with expectations is dangerous. So I was trying to be excited to meet him without having expectations about how we would get along.

We had a really good lunch. One of the first things I noticed about him is that he is very serious person. Of course he is an engineer so he is a precise individual and definitely a planner. I value these characteristics because I am neither precise nor a planner, and I feel that my ideal partner would have these qualities. Someone has to make sure that the bills are paid, the retirement plan is on track, and the house isn't falling down, and I'd rather not be that person. We have similar tastes and our conversation was easy. He has already texted me for a second date and I am looking forward to seeing him again.

He is also very intriguing. He told me that he is going to Germany next month to pick up his BMW. Apparently, there is a deal that the German board of tourism gives to anyone who will pick up their BMW in Germany; you get discounted air fare, discounted accommodations while in Germany, you get to drive your car in Germany for 2 weeks, and you get to keep the temporary German license plate once your car is shipped back to the US. While this is cool and interesting, he is not snobby-he asked BMW if they could take their insignia off the car because he doesn't want people to know that his car is a BMW. He just may turn out to be a Square John. Time will tell.

After Mr. Lunch, I had a little bit of down time to prepare for Mr. Dinner. I decided to watch the Netflix DVD that came this week for a minute while I was home, and it is a good thing I did because it was the first disk of the first season of "The Big Bang Theory," and Mr. Dinner asked me if I had ever seen the show. Talk about good timing.

It's hard to describe the setting of this date. IJL picks the restaurant so I would like to take this moment to make it quite clear that I had nothing to do with the picking of this location. It was a hotel restaurant. Not all hotel restaurants are bad, but this one was horrible. Bad carpet with weird designs, bad lighting, bad menu, bad food-everything about the restaurant was bad.

When I first saw Mr. Dinner, he was wearing a Huxtable-esque sweater. That's right-Saturday night and he is wearing a sweater that his grandmother could have given him for his 15th birthday. I was wearing the afore mentioned skinny jeans, nice shirt and cage heels. The whole thing was awkward.

If there is one thing that I think I am pretty good at, it is being able to converse fairly easily with almost anyone. Not so with this guy-he is incredibly intelligent, but a really bad conversationalist. At first, conversation was a bit like pulling teeth. By the end of the night, through hard work and patience, I discovered that he is taking helicopter flying lessons, has a maid who comes twice weekly, volunteers at a horse shelter, and is in possession of a Darth Vader plush toy. He asked me if I have any nerdish tendencies-I think he was hoping that I am a closet chemist or Trekkie or Halo 3 world champion. He didn't seem thrilled with my answer that I like crossword puzzles. Even though it was fairly awkward, I may go out with him again. He seemed like a nice person and his personality struck me as the kind that takes more than one date to get to know/figure out.

To end out the evening, I met some friends at a bar where our mutual friend was playing in the jazz band. It was a great way to decompress and laugh about the day. I am so grateful for friends, and the support that they give me. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet three people in one day. I am grateful that I actually stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. And I am grateful that it went pretty well.

All of this dating is teaching me lessons. When I dated in the past, I never would have dreamed of asking a guy out. But now, if I see someone that I am interested in getting to know on Match, I don't hesitate to send an e-mail. I am learning what I am looking for, and I am learning to go get it when I see it. When I meet Mr. Right, I will not let him pass me by.

She's a Maniac

Hi Friends,

I hope that you all are having a pleasant week.

I have one man to report. I met him at Church and he is deciding whether or not to do his graduate degree in Baltimore. After I met him on Sunday, I happened to sit next to him on the shuttle. He's nice, but too young and not for me.

Be prepared for updates this weekend. I am going out with three different people on Saturday. Dating multiple people in one day is not the way I usually roll, but life is for living so we'll see how it goes. At one point, two of the men I am going to meet both suggested meeting at The Daily Grind at noon...that could have been awkward.

Cheers

It's been a while...

Hello Friends

Wow, it's been a while. I can explain...

Four score and 7 days ago, I had a massive single girl emotional breakdown. It was brought on by a friend who had no intention of hurting me. She is married and she basically told me that she can't be alone. You might be thinking, "that's not a big deal, Katie is crazy," but it was a big deal as I had had a bad day at work and was already feeling like I could have used a little love.

I feel like I do a pretty good job taking care of myself, but there are certain things that remind me that being single is lonely. First: car maintenance. There is nothing worse than having to arrange car maintenance when no one is obligated to get you to the mechanic and back. Second: weddings. I hate going to weddings/fancy parties without a date. Third: those days when I just need a hug. This was one of those occasions. I take care of people all day every day. Even if it wasn't my job, I would still take care of everyone because it is my nature. And there are times every now and then when I want to feel like someone is taking care of me too.

The other compounding factor is that I tried to call my brother to talk to him about it and it was a very bad mobile connection and I didn't tell him I needed to talk and he ended up telling me he had to go be with his girlfriend.

So there you have it. Single girl breakdown of 2010. My 2009 breakdown was about moving. There is usually one a year so hopefully I'm done with that for a while.

And through this experience I learned that people do care about me. They went to dinner and gave me wine and let me cry. They e-mailed nice things about how they care. They talked on the phone with me. They gave me hugs and told me that they understood how hard loneliness can be. It was reassuring.

So after about a week of moping about being alone, I was ready to get back on the dating horse again. Unfortunately, fate had other plans as I got very sick and spent two weeks doing almost nothing except working, coughing, and laying on the couch.

Thank goodness I'm finally back on track.

While I was sick, I was able to give dating some thought. As you all know well, I have been sorely disappointed with It's Just Lunch. I was thinking about what else to do and I decided that I should rejoin Match.com. Out of all my online experiences it was the best. I didn't meet mr. right, but I met a couple who weren't very far off the mark. So high-ho high-ho it's back to match I go.

My first match date was yesterday. We live about 90 min apart so I googled coffee shoppes about half way in-between and found one that looked suitable. However, as I was parking I received a text message from him to meet him at Subway instead of the coffee shoppe.

Subway?????? Who goes to Subway at 10am on Saturday? Who goes to Subway ever?

When I finally found him in front of Subway, he said that the coffee shop seemed sketchy to him so he figured we could chat in Subway instead. I hadn't had breakfast. I was treasuring the thought of Saturday morning coffee with some breakfasty food in a shoppe with that delightful coffee smell. I did not treasure the bottle of Dasani I ended up drinking in a restaurant that smelled like industrial flour.

This begs the question: In what crazy world is Subway better than a coffee shoppe? Seriously. I don't care how bad the coffee shoppe was. It was not as bad as Subway.

The rest of the date was just as bad. It seemed he just like to hear himself talk. He asked me what exactly I liked about his profile. He asked if I could cook, because he sure likes to eat. And the weirdest part of the date was when he grabbed my hand and said, "I like hands." All right Creepy McCreepster that is strange. Goodbye Mr. Subway.

Today, I was supposed to go on another It's Just Lunch Date. I know I said that I would ditch them, but I didn't and they found a couple new people for me so here I am. The restaurant we were going to meet at is supposed to be really good so I was thinking that at least I would have a good dinner. I arrived a couple of minutes early so I went to the bar and got a drink thinking he would be there any minute. Sixty-six minutes later, he was still not there. Stood up by someone I don't even know. How lame. The upswing is that I met some pretty cool development officers who were in town for a conference, and I had a good dinner at the bar while I was waiting. Who knows...maybe it was better that way. And I'd like to say It's Just Lunch is now at 20% success. That's like an F minus minus minus minus. I sent my IJL buddy an e-mail while I was waiting so we'll see what he has to say this time.

I am supposed to go out with one more Match person this week and one more IJL person so I will keep you on the up and up. My dating tally for my life is 2 for 1000. Good thing I am tenacious.

My motivation this week is Katharine Hepburn in Desk Set. She is one sassy lady. Watch out world, sassy Kate is on the loose and who knows what she will do.

Wishing you all a good night.