Hi Friends

I have a confession: if I didn't have a blog I probably wouldn't have gone on the date I went on last night.

I winked at him on Match because he looked interesting. He emailed me back and said that he would like to meet me, but he absolutely refused to e-mail without a plan to meet.

It struck me as odd; why did he go out of his way to make certain I knew he would not email? He could have said, "thanks for the wink, want to meet up sometime?" But he not only said let's meet, but also was really negative about emailing.

After this interaction, I pondered just letting it go, but I thought it might be worth meeting.

We finally fixed a time and date to meet up, at which point I received another strange email. It said that it is his policy to go dutch on the first date. He wanted to let me know that he isn't cheep, that's just the way he rolls.

I once again pondered not going on this date. There are plenty of ways to go dutch on the first date without sending that intention via email. It struck me as very odd and indicative of an extremely analytical nature or bitterness. It was like he had a dating policy manual that he followed to the letter.

As I said earlier if it weren't for the blog, I probably would have passed this one by.

But I went and it was actually OK. He was the overly analytical type. For much of the date he peppered me with questions about my job, which was good that he kept the conversation moving, but made me feel somewhat like I was being interviewed.

At the end of the date, he said, "this was fun, if you ever want to go out again shoot me an email." He needs to put the dating manual for nerds away and as my patient told me yesterday, nut up or shut up.

Still, all in all, not a disaster.

In other blog news, I am going to see Mr. try-it-again Saturday and the ijl guy on Sunday.

Good night.

mars and venus

Hi Friends

This is a treatise on the definition of "soon."

As in, "I'll call you soon."

As in, it is now Tuesday night and I was promised a call "soon" on Saturday.

I think "soon" has passed.

However, I am a female.

Apparently, to males, "soon" doesn't necessarily mean "soon."

It means, "I'll call you at some point before the seasons change."

My brother seems to think that this is normal male behaviour.

Consider this a PSA: Don't say you will call soon if you are not planning to call within 24-72 hours.

I don't understand. One doesn't even have to dial anymore. One pulls up my name on the screen of one's cell phone and applies light pressure. It's pretty simple.

In other blog news, I am going out with the IJL guy from Sunday again. He actually called and asked me out again. What a concept. I am looking forward to seeing him again.

Also, I am meeting a new Match guy on Thursday.

Good night

the good stuff

Hi friends

It has been quite a weekend.

First of all, my date with Mr. Try-it-again was great. We went to some gardens (not the cheesecake factory ;-)) and it was lovely. The gardens were amazing, the day was beautiful, we walked all around. He is a great guy; I know that he is on the same page as me in all the essentials, he is tall, good looking, funny, easy-going, conversational, polite, friendly, deep etc... There has been post-date texting and I am fairly certain that there will be another date. The challenge right now is to go with the flow and not put all my eggs in one basket. It is important to keep other irons in the fire and let things unfold as they will.

Speaking of other irons, I went on an IJL date tonight. On my drive down, I was in a really bad mood. They sent me to Ellicott City and I was not happy that I had to drive forty minutes to meet someone who would most likely be bad. A new person set this date up, which also annoyed me because I am now on my fifth dating director. How are they supposed to get to know me if they change people every two minutes? So I grumpily headed out to meet what I assumed would be my next disaster date. Seriously, I should get paid for some of the dates I've been on; they are so much worse than the TV show.

However, I was surprised. He was nice, fun to talk to, and we hit it off. Chemistry is a funny thing; we really got along. We talked about everything from the generational gap in the workplace to child discipline. I think I will see him again. Who would have ever guessed?

No word from Mr. Coffee since Thursday-seems like that may be a done deal.

Before I log off for the night, I have one objection to file: PDA in Church. This morning, there was a cute little young couple in front of me who couldn't keep their hands off each other. She was wearing a sparkly diamond ring on her left ring finger so I am assuming that they are newly engaged. Before I sound like a cynical, heartless, single person, let me say that I am not against 1) showing affection, 2) showing affection on Church premises or 3) young silly love.

I am, however, against distracting, ridiculous displays of affection during the sermon. There is a season, turn, turn. A time to give back massages, a time to merely hold hands and listen to the sermon, a time to kiss, a time to face forward, a time to stop the hungry eyes. They should put up a sign: PDA with caution.

The heart of the matter is that I want Church to be my safe place. A place where I can leave all the crap of my daily life at the door and interact with the Divine. A place where I feel at peace.

And when little billy-bob and suzy are all up in each other's business right in front of me it brings it all back down to earth.

They are twenty and they found love. Boom.

I don't know if I'll ever find love. Boom.

I really wish I had someone to go to Church with. Boom.

Don't you think they could suspend their dewy-eyed lovefest for one hour?

But then it makes me think-are there things that I do in Church that are insensitive to others and I don't know it? What can I do to be more sensitive and supportive of others?

I want to remember this feeling. I want to help not hurt others. And I never want to be that girl.

Good night

The battle for everything

Hello friends

I am finally feeling a little better; at least well enough to rejoin society. It's really nice to have my voice back.

This week has been somewhat productive on the dating front.

I had a second date with Mr. Coffee. We spent 4+ hours together and it went well. We had good conversation (he now writes about gold and oil), we talked about religion a little, we laughed about various absurdities. Overall a fun time and I would like to see him again. I think he'll call me...we will see.

The chronic e-mailer I posted about last time sent me yet another generic e-mail so I finally bit the bullet and asked him out for drinks. He sent me a very confusing reply. Something about how he joined match prematurely and he wanted to take it easy before jumping back into things and he wanted to continue e-mailing me. I don't get it-why join match if you don't want to meet people? I thought that was the whole point. It makes me think he is already in a relationship and wants to keep me in his back pocket for a rainy day. No thanks Mr. e-mail. I wrote him back and told him if he ever wants to meet, contact me, but I am not interested in being the random girl he e-mails when he is bored.

I am meeting up with Mr. Give-it-another-try tomorrow. I am looking forward to it and will report back with details.

Here is something that I am pondering tonight: how do you balance letting a man take the lead vs. getting to do things that you actually want to do?

I want a man who wants to take care of me. I don't want to wear the pants in future relationships. However, this becomes difficult when people suggest going places/doing things that do not interest me. What do you say when someone wants to meet up at The Cheesecake Factory? It's tough because I don't want to derail his plan, but I don't want to eat at The Cheesecake Factory either. My natural instinct is to take over and manhandle the situation so that I don't have to suffer in a chain restaurant, but then another part of me thinks that I should go with the flow and as he gets to know me, he will realise that I don't want to eat certain places/do certain things. The other option is to shoot it down all together. But then if he doesn't have a back up plan it could get awkward.

It is difficult. Relationships are so tenuous in the beginning. I don't want to pass a great person up because he couldn't come up with the perfect date on the first try. And I don't want to manhandle all my dates. And I don't want to go on bad dates. It's a quandary.

Good night

repeats

Well friends

I am sick again. I can't believe it, I was just sick...I'm planning to add some sort of vitamin C/zinc regimen to my diet. I don't have time to be sick this often. The worse part is I straightened my hair the day I got sick so for the last couple days I've been stuck in bed with my lovely straight hair.

Anyway, I'd like to discuss for a moment one of my online dating pet peeves: the endless e-mail chain. There is a guy on Match that seems like someone I would be interested in meeting ergo I sent him an e-mail. He wrote me back and I thought, "sweet I'll get to meet him." We have now written back and forth a few times and there is still no discussion of meeting. In the online dating world, it's all about getting to know people over e-mail just to the point that I don't think they are a criminal, and then meeting as soon as possible. It is a terrible waste of time to e-mail for weeks on end only to meet and discover I'm just not that into him. Since I was the one who sent the first e-mail in this scenario, I was trying to give him a chance to suggest meeting, but it looks like I'm going to have to make this happen.

If I get an e-mail from a guy and he looks remotely interesting I suggest meeting immediately. One bad date is better than one bad date and a month's worth of e-mailing.

Ok I feel better now. Thank you.

Before I go, I have one interesting piece of news.

A guy that I went out with a few times last year, and then fell off the face of the planet e-mailed me yesterday. He apologised for acting like a jerk and asked if we could start over.

I'll let you know what happens.

sigh

Well friends

It was nice while it lasted. I e-mailed bachelor number two to break our second date. Our religious beliefs were too different. I knew that to be the case, but I was trying to talk myself into thinking that either a) I could have a little fun and no one would get hurt, or b) I could make it work. Of course neither of these are true and after a little tough love from my friends I cancelled the date.

Just so the night wouldn't be a total loss, I agreed to meet a new guy that I have been emailing for the last week. It was so bad. He was so boring. We were in armchairs at The Brewers Art. Armchairs-comfy, relaxing, kick-back armchairs. I was relaxed...he was straight as a pin and bobbed his head in a very weird way to everything I said. He must have been nervous because his pattern of speech was not congruent with what is generally agreed upon as normal.

Good bye Mr. Bobble-head.

And the worst part is that I know if I had gone out with bachelor number two, I would have enjoyed myself.

Nobody said it was easy/no one ever said it would be so hard/I'm going back to the start.

Good night

A whirlwind of Gaiety

Hi Friends

The dating extravaganza is over and it went as well as one would expect.

Before I get to the gritty details, I have a couple of news item to report.

First: I have adopted two cats. Many people see this as a bad thing from the single girl perspective. I am now just one cat away from being "the cat lady," relegated to the single life for the rest of my days surrounded only by furry friends.

I, however, have a different view. My friend that I adopted them from had to give them up because her very serious boyfriend/soon-to-be fiancee is very allergic to cats and they had to go. She met this man very soon after she got the cats. Ergo they are lucky cats and will help not hurt me. Plus it's nice to have some furry companions; chore time was so much more fun today than usual because of the cat's antics. Even now, one of them is curled up next to me as I write.

Second: I spoke with the IJL dating director and told him how displeased I am. I compared his lack of communication after I was stood up to the sentinel event of the dating service. I told him how disappointed I have been in the dates. It felt good to be honest and he assured me that it will get better....we'll see about that. Being back on Match has confirmed to me that I pick much better dates for myself than they do.

Anyways, back to Saturday.

My three dates were coffee, lunch, and dinner. My good friend and fashionista prescribed the outfit for the day: skinny jeans, tank top, boyfriend cardigan, and gladiator sandals. Then, she reasoned, after the first two dates I could throw on a nice shirt over the tank top and swap out gladiator sandals for cage heels and I'd be good to go for the evening. I was also instructed to straighten my hair for the day.

So I got up, took a shower, straightened my hair, put on make-up, and ran to the mall to get said skinny jeans. Unfortunately, the traffic was very bad, and I was late to coffee. Really late. Like 25 minutes late. I felt bad because I am not the kind of person to show up late like that on the first meeting. However, on the flip side, I decided it is a good test to see how someone reacts-make them mad from the beginning and see if a temper rears its ugly head.

Fortunately, Mr. Coffee passed the test and was very gracious. We had a good coffee. He was cute, easy to talk to, and we have some common interests. It came up in our discussion that he is divorced. I have never given much thought to whether or not I would date a divorced person; on one hand it seems that there would be a lot of baggage, but on the other hand, if someone has been married before and it didn't work out then I would hope that he would have good perspective on what he is looking for and what is really important to make a relationship work. He said that he wants to see me again so we will see if there is a date #2 and what it will bring. Religion didn't come up at all so that is something I need to figure out.

Directly after that date, I drove to meet Mr. Lunch. I was excited to meet Mr. Lunch because he has a very interesting profile. I knew going in that we have similar tastes, he is well-traveled, and he is funny. That being said, I think that going into the first meeting with expectations is dangerous. So I was trying to be excited to meet him without having expectations about how we would get along.

We had a really good lunch. One of the first things I noticed about him is that he is very serious person. Of course he is an engineer so he is a precise individual and definitely a planner. I value these characteristics because I am neither precise nor a planner, and I feel that my ideal partner would have these qualities. Someone has to make sure that the bills are paid, the retirement plan is on track, and the house isn't falling down, and I'd rather not be that person. We have similar tastes and our conversation was easy. He has already texted me for a second date and I am looking forward to seeing him again.

He is also very intriguing. He told me that he is going to Germany next month to pick up his BMW. Apparently, there is a deal that the German board of tourism gives to anyone who will pick up their BMW in Germany; you get discounted air fare, discounted accommodations while in Germany, you get to drive your car in Germany for 2 weeks, and you get to keep the temporary German license plate once your car is shipped back to the US. While this is cool and interesting, he is not snobby-he asked BMW if they could take their insignia off the car because he doesn't want people to know that his car is a BMW. He just may turn out to be a Square John. Time will tell.

After Mr. Lunch, I had a little bit of down time to prepare for Mr. Dinner. I decided to watch the Netflix DVD that came this week for a minute while I was home, and it is a good thing I did because it was the first disk of the first season of "The Big Bang Theory," and Mr. Dinner asked me if I had ever seen the show. Talk about good timing.

It's hard to describe the setting of this date. IJL picks the restaurant so I would like to take this moment to make it quite clear that I had nothing to do with the picking of this location. It was a hotel restaurant. Not all hotel restaurants are bad, but this one was horrible. Bad carpet with weird designs, bad lighting, bad menu, bad food-everything about the restaurant was bad.

When I first saw Mr. Dinner, he was wearing a Huxtable-esque sweater. That's right-Saturday night and he is wearing a sweater that his grandmother could have given him for his 15th birthday. I was wearing the afore mentioned skinny jeans, nice shirt and cage heels. The whole thing was awkward.

If there is one thing that I think I am pretty good at, it is being able to converse fairly easily with almost anyone. Not so with this guy-he is incredibly intelligent, but a really bad conversationalist. At first, conversation was a bit like pulling teeth. By the end of the night, through hard work and patience, I discovered that he is taking helicopter flying lessons, has a maid who comes twice weekly, volunteers at a horse shelter, and is in possession of a Darth Vader plush toy. He asked me if I have any nerdish tendencies-I think he was hoping that I am a closet chemist or Trekkie or Halo 3 world champion. He didn't seem thrilled with my answer that I like crossword puzzles. Even though it was fairly awkward, I may go out with him again. He seemed like a nice person and his personality struck me as the kind that takes more than one date to get to know/figure out.

To end out the evening, I met some friends at a bar where our mutual friend was playing in the jazz band. It was a great way to decompress and laugh about the day. I am so grateful for friends, and the support that they give me. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet three people in one day. I am grateful that I actually stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. And I am grateful that it went pretty well.

All of this dating is teaching me lessons. When I dated in the past, I never would have dreamed of asking a guy out. But now, if I see someone that I am interested in getting to know on Match, I don't hesitate to send an e-mail. I am learning what I am looking for, and I am learning to go get it when I see it. When I meet Mr. Right, I will not let him pass me by.

She's a Maniac

Hi Friends,

I hope that you all are having a pleasant week.

I have one man to report. I met him at Church and he is deciding whether or not to do his graduate degree in Baltimore. After I met him on Sunday, I happened to sit next to him on the shuttle. He's nice, but too young and not for me.

Be prepared for updates this weekend. I am going out with three different people on Saturday. Dating multiple people in one day is not the way I usually roll, but life is for living so we'll see how it goes. At one point, two of the men I am going to meet both suggested meeting at The Daily Grind at noon...that could have been awkward.

Cheers

It's been a while...

Hello Friends

Wow, it's been a while. I can explain...

Four score and 7 days ago, I had a massive single girl emotional breakdown. It was brought on by a friend who had no intention of hurting me. She is married and she basically told me that she can't be alone. You might be thinking, "that's not a big deal, Katie is crazy," but it was a big deal as I had had a bad day at work and was already feeling like I could have used a little love.

I feel like I do a pretty good job taking care of myself, but there are certain things that remind me that being single is lonely. First: car maintenance. There is nothing worse than having to arrange car maintenance when no one is obligated to get you to the mechanic and back. Second: weddings. I hate going to weddings/fancy parties without a date. Third: those days when I just need a hug. This was one of those occasions. I take care of people all day every day. Even if it wasn't my job, I would still take care of everyone because it is my nature. And there are times every now and then when I want to feel like someone is taking care of me too.

The other compounding factor is that I tried to call my brother to talk to him about it and it was a very bad mobile connection and I didn't tell him I needed to talk and he ended up telling me he had to go be with his girlfriend.

So there you have it. Single girl breakdown of 2010. My 2009 breakdown was about moving. There is usually one a year so hopefully I'm done with that for a while.

And through this experience I learned that people do care about me. They went to dinner and gave me wine and let me cry. They e-mailed nice things about how they care. They talked on the phone with me. They gave me hugs and told me that they understood how hard loneliness can be. It was reassuring.

So after about a week of moping about being alone, I was ready to get back on the dating horse again. Unfortunately, fate had other plans as I got very sick and spent two weeks doing almost nothing except working, coughing, and laying on the couch.

Thank goodness I'm finally back on track.

While I was sick, I was able to give dating some thought. As you all know well, I have been sorely disappointed with It's Just Lunch. I was thinking about what else to do and I decided that I should rejoin Match.com. Out of all my online experiences it was the best. I didn't meet mr. right, but I met a couple who weren't very far off the mark. So high-ho high-ho it's back to match I go.

My first match date was yesterday. We live about 90 min apart so I googled coffee shoppes about half way in-between and found one that looked suitable. However, as I was parking I received a text message from him to meet him at Subway instead of the coffee shoppe.

Subway?????? Who goes to Subway at 10am on Saturday? Who goes to Subway ever?

When I finally found him in front of Subway, he said that the coffee shop seemed sketchy to him so he figured we could chat in Subway instead. I hadn't had breakfast. I was treasuring the thought of Saturday morning coffee with some breakfasty food in a shoppe with that delightful coffee smell. I did not treasure the bottle of Dasani I ended up drinking in a restaurant that smelled like industrial flour.

This begs the question: In what crazy world is Subway better than a coffee shoppe? Seriously. I don't care how bad the coffee shoppe was. It was not as bad as Subway.

The rest of the date was just as bad. It seemed he just like to hear himself talk. He asked me what exactly I liked about his profile. He asked if I could cook, because he sure likes to eat. And the weirdest part of the date was when he grabbed my hand and said, "I like hands." All right Creepy McCreepster that is strange. Goodbye Mr. Subway.

Today, I was supposed to go on another It's Just Lunch Date. I know I said that I would ditch them, but I didn't and they found a couple new people for me so here I am. The restaurant we were going to meet at is supposed to be really good so I was thinking that at least I would have a good dinner. I arrived a couple of minutes early so I went to the bar and got a drink thinking he would be there any minute. Sixty-six minutes later, he was still not there. Stood up by someone I don't even know. How lame. The upswing is that I met some pretty cool development officers who were in town for a conference, and I had a good dinner at the bar while I was waiting. Who knows...maybe it was better that way. And I'd like to say It's Just Lunch is now at 20% success. That's like an F minus minus minus minus. I sent my IJL buddy an e-mail while I was waiting so we'll see what he has to say this time.

I am supposed to go out with one more Match person this week and one more IJL person so I will keep you on the up and up. My dating tally for my life is 2 for 1000. Good thing I am tenacious.

My motivation this week is Katharine Hepburn in Desk Set. She is one sassy lady. Watch out world, sassy Kate is on the loose and who knows what she will do.

Wishing you all a good night.

The agony and the ecstasy

Good evening friends

I can hardly believe that another week is coming to a close. Time passes so quickly it is hard to appreciate its speed. This week there have been big changes: flowers are blooming, there are buds on the tree out front, the sun was actually shining. Seeing all this makes me realise that another Winter season of life is waning.

If only the winter season of dating would go with it...

Today I met a man at work. The pharmacist was nice and easy to talk to. Unfortunately, I did most of the talking. It's really annoying when that happens. Isn't it common courtesy to be conversational? What ev.

This evening I went to a function where I did not meet any new men, which is surprising because there were a lot of men there, but I did get to reconnect with some old friends. I also had what I think is one of the lamest conversations ever. It went something like this:

Me: Hey you look familiar, I think I've met you before.

Him: Yeah I think we've met too

Me: Wait a minute, I think we're facebook friends-that's why you look familiar.

Him: Yeah, I think we're facebook friends too

Me: Nice to see you again

Him: Yeah, nice to see you too

What was that? If I merely wanted someone to repeat me I would buy a parrot.

Anywho it was great to see old friends.

I also watched a foreign film with friends. I know this isn't a movie blog, but I just have to say that The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is a beautiful film. It is about a successful man who has a stroke, which causes paralysis and total aphasia. He can only blink his one functioning eye to communicate. Throughout the film, you see his memories, his dreams, and his perspective on the situation. With the help of a translator, he wrote a book letter by letter by blinking his eye. I definitely have a renewed gratitude for the ability to work, to take care of myself, walk, run, eat, drink and be merry. Life is a gift. Health is a gift.

Good night...

The morning after

Hello

I have taken the blog out on the town again. Me and my gal pals are enjoying this lovely weekend from the coffee shop. Earlier this morning, a friend and I started our urban line dancing class at the YMCA...there were no men (surprise, surprise), but it was fun.

Vegan Happy Hour did not start off well last night. I got to the bar and my friend who was supposed to be there hadn't arrived yet. There was a group of people chatting in a circle who looked like they could be vegan, so I just walked up to them and asked, "are you the vegans?" They weren't, but they seemed amused by the situation. I walked back further and found a group of people on couches underneath signs that said Vegan Drinks so I figured I'd found them. This group was a group of vegan people, but they didn't know my friend, and of course they didn't know me. It was kind of awkward for a minute, but I just kept talking to them and eventually they started talking with me and we had a nice conversation until my friend arrived. It was definitely another bad single moment; I didn't know what to do-stand around at the bar alone? Crash someone else's group? Thankfully it all worked out and hopefully those people don't think I'm too creepy.

On to the rest of the night.

First of all, I had a Smalltimore moment. Remember Mr. Argyle? The guy at my Church who turned out to have a girlfriend? He and his girlfriend were at the bar, and are friends with my friend. Smalltimore strikes again.

#1 The photographer. He works for a local magazine and was very nice. We chatted about art and photography and Baltimore.

#2 The reporter, was at one time a reporter, but is now an actuary. I asked him how one transitions from being a reporter to an actuary, but I am still not sure. He was nice and he chatted me up for a while.

#3 The smart guy. My first impression of this guy was that he is either special needs or incredibly intelligent. Turns out he is intelligent. We had a good conversation about the economy, politics etc...

So it was a profitable venture after all.

Part of me is glad that I am meeting all of these men because it gives me hope that there are a lot of guys out there that I haven't met yet. The other part of me is frustrated because I've met all these men and there isn't anyone that I like. I'm trying to trust the program; meet men and hope for the best.

bonsoir

Good Evening and happy Friday

Monday through Wednesday was useless in the meet more men sense.

Last night was the night I was supposed to go on the blind date, but I had to cancel so that I could attend a friend's sister's memorial service. It is categorically frowned upon to try to meet men at such events, however, my wing-man came through again and introduced me to a friend of his who was there.

The friend is a foodie and seemed like a nice person-we had a good conversation. Let's just keep it on the DL that I met him at a memorial service. :-)

I was so close to getting man #2 on the shuttle tonight, but I didn't get his name. First of all, I got to the shuttle stop after work and there were, no joke, short cheese busses waiting for us. I know that Hopkins has to charter cheese busses sometimes, but a short cheese bus? I wonder what all the intellectuals thought of riding the short bus home. Anyway, back to the man. We picked him and about 15 other people up off the side of the road because their bus had broken down. He was very polite; he offered his seat to a woman, which never happens, and he was conversational, but we got to my stop before I could get all his info. Next time I am in this sort of situation I hope that I will be able to seal the deal.

Tonight is vegan happy hour. Certainly there will be a single man there.

Cheers

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Well, friends, it's been another week on the cow trail here.

The beginning of the week was very slow. Nothing to report whatsoever.

However, things really picked up this weekend.

On Friday, a few residents visited the clinic to see a kid who was newly diagnosed with an eye cancer. Resident #1 was a guy that I had met briefly at a Church here in town. I struck up a conversation with him and we chatted for a little while. He half-heartedly inviting me to go bowling with his Church group that night, but I a) didn't want to accept an invitation of questionable sincerity and b) already had plans. Resident #2 was a visiting resident from England. He was a lot of fun and I enjoyed chatting with him.

Friday night I entered a whole new world. A friend of mine has a 12 year-old son who wanted to go to the movies with his friend, but didn't want his Mom sitting in the theatre with him. So my friend and I went to one movie and the kids went to a different one. As the years go by, I have gone from hanging out with all young single people, to hanging out with married people, to hanging out with married people and their kids, to now, chaperoning their children at the movie theatre. I'm telling you, it was strange. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, but it was weird to be at the movie theatre in the suburbs in a sea of teeny boppers and be the old person.

On Saturday, on of my dear friends asked me if I wanted to go to a book exchanged hosted by a meet up group that she attends. It was a lot of fun; we found a part of the city that neither of us had been to before, we had good conversation with the group members, and I scored a couple of good books. There were a couple of single guys there. The hipster was wearing a fedora and was a generally conversational and interesting person. However, when he left the group, he said that he was on his way to get some piercings...not exactly my cup of tea. And what a weird way to leave a group, "see ya later, I'm off to get pierced." Totally bizarro. The second guy- the weird guy, was just that-very strange and somewhat reminiscent of the rose petal eater and we all know I don't want to repeat that fiasco.

Saturday afternoon brought a single girl crisis. I bought a couple tickets to a fashion show fundraiser and a friend and I were supposed to go together. However, she backed out at the last minute and I was left trying to find a plus one. It is the kind of situation that I absolutely dread. It wouldn't be fun to go alone, but it's also not fun to call 20 different people to see if you can talk them in to last minute Saturday night plans. Of course, most people have plans for Saturday night before Saturday at 4pm and if they don't, it is deliberate. Thankfully, my roommate saved me and came along, but it made me wish I had a permanent plus one.

The fundraiser itself was enjoyable, but it was hard to meet men. For starters, it was a fashion show, not the manliest event. The men that were there looked like they had been brought by their girlfriends. And even if there were single men there, they were impossible to distinguish from the taken men. It made me think; that would have been the perfect place for a single guy to meet women. I wonder what is the perfect place for women to meet single guys? Where do they hide?

Today, I met a new guy at Church. The grad student is from the south and seemed nice. I found a slick way to strike up a conversation and we chatted for a bit-I hope I'll see him again. Basketball yielded no knew men this week, it seems I've met the whole group.

Perhaps the most exciting thing is that between Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I met 5 men. Bust out the confetti, I finally did it! Many thanks to my friends who made it possible.

Looking forward to see what this week brings. It has been said that Spring turns a young man's fancy into thoughts of love. I'm ready for Spring, for leaves on the trees, for sun, flowers, warm weather, new possibilities.

I love you tomorrow, you're only a day away.

Next week I have a blind date and vegan happy hour planned. Stay tuned for details.

Week something

Hello Friends.

It's been a fairly productive weekend at meet more men in 2010 headquarters.

I went to a going away party for a friend, and although there were no new single men, it was a lovely time. Being with friends, feeling cared for and understood, is one of life's great pleasures.

After the going away party, a co-worker and I went to a bar to hear a fellow co-worker's band play. The bar is the quintessential place to meet singles and I gussied up to see what there was to see. The band was enjoyable and I had a good time with my co-workers, but the bar was disappointing in terms of single men. One man tried to chat me up; turns out he was visiting Baltimore from Philly (always a good thing), he was nice, and reasonably good-looking. Unfortunately, he was wearing swimming goggles (what the what? Who does that?), which led me to believe that he is ridiculous and I chose not to pursue that option. Goodbye goggle man.

At Church this morning my wing-man introduced me to a new guy. The grad student is new to town and is reasonably good looking. After a short conversation, my initial thoughts are that a) he is very conservative (can you believe it? I'm saying someone is too conservative) and b) I didn't get the idea he was interested in me. I'm not hopeful about that one.

Coaching youth basketball was once again successful. There was a new coach this week: single, in his 30s. Nice guy.

One other thing on my horizon is the Baltimore Foreign Affairs Council. For some reason, they decided to invite me to join; it's not expensive and they put on 16 lectures per year by professors, ambassadors, and the like, and each function has a reception prior to the lecture. Jackpot! Sounds like the perfect place to meet intelligent men. I'll let you know how it goes.

Out and about

Your correspondent has taken the blog out tonight. I am in a coffee shop drinking a delicious cappuccino, looking like someone who wants to be talked to, and pondering life.

My neighbourhood is full of students, and as I'm sitting here in the coffee shop, there is "student talk" all around.

"What are you going to do when you graduate?" "My professor is, like, so difficult." "I will never work in an office-I'd rather die." "If New York doesn't work out, I'll just move to Italy."

They make it sound so easy. In school, the world is full of endless possibilities; life as you want it is just around the corner. Setbacks are temporary-one bad grade, one disappointing class is but a momentary set back. After living in the "real world" for almost six years now, I think planning has become more difficult. I have to take care of myself, be responsible, save for retirement.

Part of the goal of this project is to discard inhibitions and dream without fear; go in the direction of my desires and listen to my heart. Like that stupid saying, "dance like no one is looking."

And speaking of dancing, I have been doing a belly dancing DVD with my roommate. I did not dance when I was young so it does not come naturally to me, but this DVD is a lot of fun. It is making me more confident and I'm sure my dancing skills will improve, making me even more interesting and dateable.

I'm off...good night and good luck.

Waylaid

Well, friends, meet more men in 2010 has been waylaid by the snow.

In case you have been sequestered from the news, let me say the East Coast has been bombarded with very large amounts of the fluffy white stuff that falls so delicately from the sky then wrecks havoc on unsuspecting citizens who have no clue what to do with it. It was a good week shoveling, sledding, and engaging in frivolity when I would typically be working.

And it's not like I didn't try to meet more men. When I was digging out my car, I chatted up a guy on his bike who was waiting for the light to change. My roommate and I took cookies to the neighbor who let us borrow his shovel.

However, much of the last week and a half was spent in three layers of sweaters under two blankets reading good books and drinking tea rather than prowling the streets of Baltimore for my next male acquaintance. It was delightful to have a break from my five-man-a-week quest and I realised that it takes a lot of energy. It's only February and I'm already tired.

Another aspect of this challenge is to be the best me that I can be-spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. This has been on my mind in my snow-induced reverie; what else should I be doing? I want to make sure that I am becoming the woman that I want to be: growing in beauty and in grace, taking care of my body, challenging my mind, feeding my soul. There are ways that I am trying to do this already. I read books and magazines that are intellectually stimulating, I volunteer, I cook, I read the Bible and pray, I have long talks with friends, I enjoy the pleasures of nature, I play the piano, I journal. Of course, there is always room for improvement. So towards that end, I went to the YMCA today to inquire about joining. It might kill two birds with one stone: take care of my body and there are bound to be men there.

Before I sign off for the night I have three new men to report from this weekend.

1. The Uncle. He is the uncle of a friend of mine. Too old and not my type, but a nice person.

2. The friend of the uncle. Also not my type. Seems like he is still trying to figure himself out.

3. The coach. I started volunteering as a basketball coach for a youth program today. I don't play basketball, but I guess they don't care so I decided I would go and encourage the kids. One of the other coaches a) actually plays basketball and b) seems to be a nice guy. He is quite a bit younger than me, but I'm just trying to meet people so there you have it.

trust it

My first order of business is to report one new acquaintance for this week. I met the world traveler at Church because he is visiting my Church wing-man. He has had a very interesting life as an MK, and, as my name for him implies, world travel. I have always said that I want to date/marry someone with a serious career, but good life experience is important as well. You can't get kicked out of a country or taste other cultures from inside a cubicle. An adventuresome spirit is a very attractive quality.

Since last Thursday I have been discussing the geologist with friends and giving the date thought; partially to pass on the funny story, and partially to explore my feelings so I don't end up with PTSD. It takes me time to sort out my feelings- I know this about myself. I've called my parents in tears five years after something happened that bothered me. Sometimes it takes me time to realise how I really feel or what I really think.

And the longer I think about last week's date, the worse it gets. It's true that it is still really funny. I wish you could have seen me trying to keep a straight face as the geologist told me all about how he got sucked into a Nigerian internet dating scam. He wouldn't tell me how much money he wired to the supposed damsel in distress, but he did tell me it was three figures. It was not easy to keep calm when he asked me if I'd read something about The Lord of the Rings on theonering.net (whatever that is). And what do you say to someone who says that the rose petal you prodded him into EATING tastes like kale? It was just so tragic.

It is also somewhat offensive. Does Dmitri at It's Just Lunch really think that I deserved that guy? Or that he is what I am looking for? Why am I paying him to torture me? I am quite capable of getting bad dates on my own.

This could be a stumbling stone in meet more men in 2010. I mean, do I really want to meet more men if they are going to be weak fools? Is this going to be worth it? How many more bad dates do I have to endure? Am I going to end up at Shepherd-Pratt from too many dates gone wrong?

Fortunately, I am a tenacious woman.

The Baltimore slogan "Believe" comes to mind. It's on every trash can and public building in the area. I also hear "believe" a lot at work. But the truth is that nebulous belief doesn't mend broken homes, decrease crime, or cure cancer. Blindly believing that the human spirit will surmount any obstacle is ridiculous.

Even so, I am hopeful. I don't have nebulous belief. I know it is time for me to choose to trust that my future is, and will continue to grow brighter. And it's time for me to dump the dating service.

Keep your eye on the prize

Well, friends, I did not make it to five men last week. There has been a stall in meet more men in 2010; the end of last week was completely fruitless. I was hoping that there would be someone I could chat up at the testing center where I took my GRE, but there wasn't a man to be found. Just me and my computer.

No matter. Moving into this week, I tried once again to meet Mr. Argyle at Church, but this week there was a girl next to him, who, sources confirmed is his girlfriend. She had been traveling, which is why I was confused about his relationship status. So much for that idea. At lunch after Church, I met a man who seemed very nice and interesting, but later found out that he doesn't date women. So much for that idea. I met a second man at lunch on Sunday, but he was much older and from the hood. Definitely not my type.

Since Sunday, I wasn't able to add any numbers to this week until today. I joined a dating service called "it's just lunch" (you may have seen their adverts around) whereby you are set up on blind dates. Tonight was my fourth date with this service and thus far I have had a 25% success rate (where success = I enjoyed myself).

I showed up at the restaurant tonight not knowing what to expect from the geologist (don't worry, I haven't broken my engineer pattern; he works for an environmental engineering company). Let's just say that my first impression was not good. He hadn't changed from work and was wearing a polo shirt and khakis. Not a cool, 97% cotton 3% spandex fitted polo: a dumpy baggy polo with his work logo embroidered on it. Really? Despite my first impressions, I steeled my nerves and boldly headed into the restaurant.

When we sat down at the table, there was a glass receptacle with water in it that immediately caught my attention. I couldn't figure it out: were we supposed to use it to pour our water? Was it to chill white wine? It continued to baffle me until our waitress walked over to our table with a bouquet of roses. I didn't know what to say. It was a nice thought; the average girl would probably appreciate flowers on a first date. However, I hate things that draw attention to me and sitting in a restaurant with a big bouquet of roses with a first date is a little awkward. I thanked him, but wished I could fade into the wallpaper. Once again, I steadied myself and forged ahead.

I am struggling to come up with the words to describe the rest of the date. A few highlights were: when he decided to eat a rose petal to prove his spontaneity, our lengthy discussion about Lord of the Rings, his revealing that he used to have Aspergers syndrome, discovering that he is an aspiring actor...I could go on. Let's just say it was a strange evening.

Even so, he turned out to be a genuinely nice person. I am really proud of myself because even though it was weird and strange and he was not exactly normal, I feel like I was able to see him for who he is- a nice guy with issues. One of the goals of this project is to learn to see people for who they are. I don't know who I will marry and I might be really surprised by who he turns out to be. A big part of the process of finding a life partner is knowing what you want and knowing when you see it. And I did not see it tonight.

My roommate's fiance, after hearing that my date ate a rose petal, told me to keep my eye on the prize.

He's right. Upward and onward. Away we go.

They can run...but they can't hide

I knew riding the shuttle would pay off in this dating scheme.

Today on the way home, a guy sat next to me and pulled out The Economist. As a subscriber of The Economist, I immediately knew I had encountered my fourth man of the week. It was easy to start a conversation (yes, I started it), and before long I had learned that he came to Bmore to get a MPH and is now in the process of applying to dental school.

I think we might make it to five this week.

You Never Know

Well, friends, another week in meet more men in 2010 has begun.

Yesterday, I met a new man at Church; I love it when I meet men at Church because it gets the weekly count off to a good start. Also, I always think of Church as the most likely place for me to meet someone that I might actually date. There is a man at Church who has caught my eye a couple of times, but I haven't been able to contrive a way to meet him. I'm going to try sitting in a different pew next week.

Sunday evening I met a high school friend of my stellar roommate, who set up a dinner with herself, her fiance, the friend and I. The friend had no idea that the dinner was in large part to add a man to my weekly tally, but I think he enjoyed catching up with an old high school band buddy and I was glad to be up to two men on Sunday alone.

Last week one of the bonds on my retainer that is glued to the back of my bottom teeth popped off. You are probably thinking, "what does that have to do with Katie's dating blog?" Well, I immediately rang my dentist's office and got an appointment for this morning. I assumed that I would see my regular dentist, who incidentally is a woman. However, when I showed up this morning, I was scheduled to see the the only available dentist, who is a single man my age. So there you have man number three for this week: dentist visit turned dating venture.

I wonder what is next...

Week 2

This week has been a slow week on the dating front. I've done my part; I went to Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, chatted men up on the elevator, went for a run, but to no avail thus far.

Last night brought me to the local video rental store-a favourite of mine since I moved to this neighbourhood because of it's selection of classic and foreign films. I ended up with two foreign films: Tulpan from Kazakhstan and Departures from Japan. Ready to experience other worlds, I headed home.

Tulpan was set in the Kazakhstan steppe and featured the Kazakh desert, sheep, camels, and the day-to-day existence of the nomadic people who live there. Asa, the main character, is a young man living with his sister, brother-in-law, and their three children in a tiny yurt. He dreams of having his own yurt, sheep, land and family, but the boss will not give him his own herd until he is married. The only young woman on the steppe lives a day's drive away, and rejects Asa's offer of marriage immediately to pursue her dream of going to college. Asa becomes despondent, but ultimately continues to follow his dreams on the sandy plains of the steppe.

Their existence is entirely different than our own, but when you strip away houses, education and technology, it exposes basic human experiences. To dream. To fear. To hope. To desire.

The other film, Departures was about a man who thought he knew what he wanted: to play the cello. But when life did not turn out the way that he hoped, he found unexpected meaning in a career preparing bodies for funerals, and was able to deal with pain from his past. He had to experience dying to appreciate living.

I can appreciate this paradox- working among the mortally ill changes me. Life is for living. We only have one chance.

Ultimately, that is what this challenge is about...living my life to its absolute fullest. Realising that life will never be complete on earth. Looking to heaven.

At least It's Good for a Laugh

Last night I went on date #2 with coffee man. I have been on a million first dates and I'm very used to the job interview/awkward conversation/apathy that can be the first date. You don't have to risk much to go on a first date.

The second date is a different animal all together. Obviously, still a far cry from any kind of meaningful relationship, it does bring with it a whole new set of emotions. What if I'm boring? What if I actually start to like him? What if he finds out I have a collection of Redbox DVDs that never made it back to the Redbox?

I would consider myself to be an open and engaging person in general. My job certainly requires emotional connectivity. However, if instead of a bald child I am faced with a grown man it's not quite so simple to be real.

Tonight I had dinner with friends and I was telling them about my resolution to meet more men. The list of places they came up with to meet men included:

1) Volunteering at a local rehab center for men dealing with addiction

2) Doing a shift as a public health nurse at the STD clinic

3) Joining a local continuing education group for seniors

Obviously my friends were thinking of the most ridiculous things possible and we all had a good laugh, and it felt good to laugh about it.

And I want to keep laughing as I learn about myself and others.

Week 1

I have always operated on the assumption that men should approach me; I should be able to stand in the corner and have droves of men coming to me. How to Get a Date Worth Keeping challenges this assumption and even encourages women to find single men, start conversations, and be more aggressive. It makes me nervous/worried/insecure to be the approacher not the approachee, but I am learning to be bold.

The first thing I did this week was go to my Church's young adult lunch that is held monthly. I met two men there that I hadn't met before getting my week off to a good start. To count toward my weekly five, a man has to be someone I haven't interacted with before, we have to converse to the point he has enough information about me to ask me out, and he has to have means to ask me out (phone number, know where to find me etc...)

Getting two new men for my tally on Sunday was a boost. It seemed as if getting five would be a snap.

Throughout the week, I tried to be more open, smile more, flirt more, talk more where ever I was. I had a conversation with a man while we were waiting for the elevator. I queried a man about his book on the shuttle. I looked men in the eye and smiled as I passed them in the hall.

Guy number 3 this week was a set up via friends that I saw in Colorado. We met at Starbucks and as we sipped our coffee, I tried to focus on having fun. And guess what? It was fun! Amazing how that works.

Guy number 4 came along at a party on Saturday night. As I was picking up a pretzel from the food table, I looked up and saw the face of the man that I stand next to at the shuttle stop at 7:20 every morning. We struck up a conversation and I know I will see him again at the shuttle stop.

So my first week turned out to be a four man week. The journey has begun.

Meet More Men in 2010

My brother has been telling me to read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping for quite some time. I finally picked it up from the bookstore thinking, "how could this book possibly bring anything new to my dating life?"

Surprisingly, it has ideas that have been revolutionary for me...

Date for fun??

Think of dating as a way to learn about yourself?

Meet 5 new single men a week?

I have always thought of dating as a necessary evil on the road to marital bliss; not as an entity unto itself. And now, I feel like I'm in a whole new world- soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling on a magic carpet ride. OK not a magic carpet ride, but definitely a philosophical shift.

Therefore, I have decided to blog about the men I meet and what I learn. My dating experiences of the past have provided amusement to many people so I decided to continue the tradition.

Here's to 2010 being a year of insight, empowerment, and personal growth...